A World Comes Crashing Down
by SilentPatronus
Summary: A one-shot in which an entire future is taken away.


**Okay guys this was really hard to write and re-reading it I realised how badly I wrote it so I'm sorry but because it's my day's worth of work I feel the need to upload it anyway for personal satisfaction that my day wasn't entirely wasted. **

**Also little mention of Just Give Me A Reason by Pink**

* * *

If you walked into the hospital towards Darwin Theatre one you would see a man pacing up and down the corridor. His face pallor and his demeanour frigid. His presence was reserved and his eyes glistened in the light. He had been crying. He still was crying. Tears trickled down his face and despite tensing he was unable to prevent the free flow of water that oozed from his eyes. He used his hand that was curled up in a fist to brush the tears away.

The pacing was in aid to calm himself down and to prevent him from entering a seething rage. Control was not something he was used to but he was forced into a moment of suppression as his fist moved from his face to a nearby wall. The sound bellowed and echoed down the lonely corridor. The helpless feeling made him want to cave in and slump to the floor as he was fed up of being strong. He was weak. He was always the weak one.

He desperately needed her to be there. To provoke him with one of her many sarcastic comments that would leave him flying off the walls but at least he'd knew she was alright. He had wanted to be there with her but his attitude meant that he had barely lasted five minutes which infuriated him more than anything. His mouth was a constant source of trouble which he'd seemingly caught on from his friend and now he was left alone waiting. Hoping.

Anyone on this planet that would understand were all shut up in that one little theatre room whilst he was standing here alone albeit on his own insistence. It was only a matter of time until he'd hear the door squeak open and the patter of feet walk towards him and almost as a coincidence this happened. His head raised slightly at the sound of the door opening and his head cocked left to see his friend walking towards him. Looking at her expectantly his facial expression hardly differed from the moments before. She responded with a helpless shrug and concern was evident in the friend's face.

She watched as her friend rested his head against the wall with his hands firmly against it. It was the first time he'd been in such a state and it was wrong. It wasn't the way he was meant to be. She wanted to reassure him that it would all be fine but the situation had taken a turn for the worst and she couldn't fill him with false hope. It would be a fallacy to say that it would all be fine. She found her hand placed on his back and he turned his body falling into her arms as she held her friend up who was now sobbing uncontrollably on her shoulder. She herself was fighting back tears – it was a hard situation for everyone especially for her best friend and she struggled to keep her own emotions in check. Thoughts from earlier today flooded back to his mind as his sobs became more raw and emotional than ever before.

He didn't want to think and he didn't want to remember. It was his fault. If he'd only driven today. If only he had insisted as he had done every other day. But no, he'd volunteered an early shift meaning she had to make her own way in today and now they were in this situation. Almost as if reading his mind, his friend reassured him, "it's not your fault."

"But I wasn't there." He managed to splutter through sobs. His friend took his arm and dragged him to a seat which he had barely noticed existed through all this chaos. He was so immobile that he could have slipped off the chair that he'd been plonked on but the startling sound of the door opening and closing again caught his attention as he glanced up. Another friend of his, a colleague, had left the theatre room of which he'd been heavily involved in the operation. Hanssen's refusal to allow him to lead the operation had resulted in him merely assisting but here he was. He walked over to the man who looked half dead and he lowered his head avoiding eye contact for as long as possible.

From clutching his friend on the chair he leapt up, "is she alright? Are _they _alright?"

The man standing in front of him failed to raise his eyes, "there was a complication and a bleed; I'm sorry but she had a miscarry."

"No," was the response from the man. "No." He tensed up and his head turned away from the man in front of him as tears fell freely from his eyes again. "But," he gulped wiling himself to say her name, "Jac is fine. Jac will be alright?" He glanced back again towards the man who was also fighting tears. He felt an arm snake around him and grip him tight and he was grateful his friend was here.

"She is stable – for now but there is still a way to go." He nodded not willing himself to process the news. He had lost his baby girl. She had been taken from him before he'd even met her. Only last week they had a scan and glued to his fridge was the image of his beautiful baby who no longer existed. He felt weak. He felt worse than that he felt worthless. He wasn't there for her when she needed him most and in a way he thought it was for the best. He would make a dreadful father he was sure of it!

In the moments of which their friend – Elliot – had left theatre things had seemingly been wrapped up despite there still being a way to go. Simultaneously four left the theatre room and headed out to the corridor to find Jonny and Elliot. Between them they had decided who would break the news and nudged the chosen member forward to break the news. It was done on the basis that he'd operated and was the only one out of the four that didn't know her personally and therefore would be able to keep his emotions in check.

Before he could walk over however he was bombarded by Jonny's presence and shortly after – Mo's. Jonny looked into his eyes searchingly. Trying to work out the answer to the inevitable question yet it revealed nothing.

"I'm sorry." The words slipped out of the consultant's lips and the world came crashing down around him. His eyes now puffy and tears had accumulated in his eyes. Sight blurred by the tears that had emerged in sync with the news he stumbled away from the group of people. He briefly felt a hand placed onto his shoulder which he viciously shrugged off. Fuming and devastated he slumped himself against the wall defeated and emotionally destroyed. Bringing his feet up towards his body he curled up into a ball. He felt arms pushing him up encouraging him not to crack whilst they themselves looked like a mess. The rest was a blur and words were thrown from his mouth. Blame was placed on those operating as the voice level went through the roof. He'd lost his nerve and even soothing words from Mo failed to calm him. He was hysterical.

Unable to calm him down she was left with little choice but to bring him down to earth. A noise was heard when her hand met with his face which shook him up a little and memories came crashing down as on that very spot a similar slap had been experienced.

_"Who would want a baby with you anyway. Any product of your womb has an evens chance of being the anti-christ."_

At that moment he wished he could have been taken back to that moment. He wished desperately that the slap had come from her because then she would be here. Then he'd have some part of her and now he had nothing. Words escaped from his lips before he could even think and the victim was Mo his best friend. He had no idea what he was saying but a firm grip from Elliot behind him made him realise that he'd made Mo – who had so far managed to hold in her emotions - cry. He felt empty, he felt guilty and he regretted blaming anyone and everything. Most of all he hated knowing that he was the cause of his friend's tears.

"I want to see her." It was a demand and his tone definite. No one dared respond and they were incapable of it themselves. Elliot's head was in his hands now as he placed himself on the chair and it was assumed he was crying. Mo had resulted to standing in the corner bawling her eyes out with the arm of Sacha round her who had his head buried into her shoulder and had remained surprisingly quiet and reserved but was also weeping heavily.

No one bothered to stop him as he moseyed into the theatre room – in fact no one really noticed as they were too preoccupied with their own grief and had they done so they would probably have reacted. Slowly he closed the door and glanced through the window and the woman lying motionless on the table. He opened the door nodding towards the nurse that was there signalling he wanted to be left alone.

He walked slowly towards the pale woman on the table. "You wee idiot." He said through tears which he immediately wiped from his eyes but within seconds were replaced with new ones and decided to give up and let the fall freely. "You stubborn fool."

Seeing her that way made him feel sick. It was wrong. She was meant to be sitting up making sarcastic comments about his tears but she wasn't and she would never make a sarcastic comment again. Yet everything he was thinking, everything he thought all the hurt it went away because in that moment he was seeing her for the final time and he needed to treasure it.

"I love you, you know? You drive me up the wall all the time with your tone but I love you. Things were so good but you were right. You warned me that it doesn't go right for you. But you're peaceful now."

He placed his hand on hers and smiled at a memory.

_"This isn't a proposal is it?"_

_"There's more to life than work."_

_"Lives – two very separate distinct lives."_

_"Yes – lives which I believe would be greatly enhanced if we were-"_

_"What? One big amorphous blob of doe-eyed hand-holding humanity?"_

If Jac was to suddenly rise she'd be horrified to find her hand entwined with his but there was no chance of this happening and he'd forced her to end with something that at one point she said was pointless. "If only you could see yourself now. If you could see me now." He chucked to himself. He stared at her wishing she'd stare back but her eyes had been closed and it was probably for the best. Music was playing in the background – something he didn't recognise and it struggled to help him distract his thoughts. "Thank-you." He said softly. "Thank-you Jac." A million and one things were said in that one word and no more was needed. No explanation, no tears just a 'thank-you'.

The music changed and he scrunched up his eyes and clenched his teeth as he attempted to rid it from his mind. He wanted to switch it off but the source of the music wasn't obvious and was always controlled by the surgeons. This song was the one that reminded him so much of Jac.

_Right from the start you were a thief_

_ you stole my heart,_

_And I your willing victim._

He listened closely as the song went on and the chorus was played for the first time. "This is for you Jac, this is to us." His head was rested on the hand that he was holding and his tears continued to flow and the sheet was now damp from it all. He gripped her tightly pulling her close and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly at the picture that would be etched on her face had she been alive – had she been awake.

He kissed her forehead when he heard the sound of people entering and realised it was time for her to be moved. He stood there by the door for a moment whispering towards her, "goodbye Jac my wee moody cow. I love you." He disappeared from the room and was gone.

Leaving the theatre everyone hurried up to him fussing and ensuring he was okay which made fresh tears fall and Mo was there despite everything to hold him together. He noticed Gemma walking towards the huddle of people from the corner of his eye and blacked out at her words which she'd applied jokingly unaware of the events that had just occurred.

"Go on then, who's died?"


End file.
